Tag Archives: relationship

Positive(ly) Love, A Look on Love in a Relationship

Love Like the Movies Make you Want to Love

Movies will make us believe that love is a cruise down easy street, where more flowers show up every day, engraved hearts show up on more of our trees, where hearts grow fonder and each little character nuance become more charming and charming with each moment spent with our lover.

Is this true? Have you ever found this?

I believe this is only one half of the equation of love. These represent the good days when cloud 9 is hitting with a soft, comforting hand, waltzing lazily down the murmuring streets with gaiety.

The truth? Try have a discussion about bank accounts or children or the future or making that sacrifice or having some questionable friends over or downsizing or making conscious changes. See how fuzzy thy heart still beats. Still on cloud nine?

I hope so.

But chances are, at least one of those things will strike an angry, emotional, or tempered chord that will far outbalance all the other happy lovey things you’ve been doing up there on cloud 9.

The Truth of Love

The truth is that love requires positivity and respect and an unceasing willingness and effort to dive off the deep end, even though you’re scared out of your shivvies of what lurks beneath. And further, not only does love require this of you, it requires you to have an ongoing awareness of this so that you begin to check yourself before a new habit of dis-respect or dis-trust forms.

Truth is, its going to hurt sometimes. Love is not easy. Nothing worth having ever comes easy. and the reason it hurts is because when you fall off of cloud 9 it’s not pleasant.

No, the truth of love should not be built upon fuzzy dreams of leisure. The truth of love should be solidified with the physical actions of life.

It’s Not Just Loving Yourself

Love in a relationship is more then just how much you can sacrifice, how much you can turn a blind eye, how much you can keep the faith. That’s one sided blind love that’s more fit for your favorite band or pair of shoes: even though your favorite band may try to explore a new direction you’re not so sure about, you got to love them so much that you’re going to join them on that journey.

That’s what favorites are, and sure, love in a relationship should have a bit of this in it. After all, you did pick that partner because they’re your favorite, didn’t you?

The unexplainable happens sometimes as growth naturally progresses, and this almost always, unchecked, creates animosity in relationships. Nostalgia, it’s a thing. As humans, it’s inevitable that we grow at different rates. This is our uniqueness, our special secret code of humanness. To steal the old yogic wisdom: There are many paths, there is only one way.

The problem here is that self love works. Self love works because we make a habit of loving ourselves more and more and more until we love ourselves so much we can’t help but feel happy and excited to be alive. However, self love is not partnership love, though it is very related. Showering our partner with more and more love without first off having a discussion about the growing discontent will nurture guilt, resent, self disrespect, and blindness.

You got to listen to that lover!

Think of this analogy. Think of yourself standing at bat, waiting to hit the ball coming at you. You swing and miss. So, you wait again for the next ball, except this time you swing harder and quicker and with much more energy invested. Swing – miss. Sure, try investing more violent passion in the next strike, you only get one more!

“We are deceiving ourselves if we think that only the violent passions, such as ambition and love, can conquer the others. Laziness, sluggish though it is, often manages to dominate them; it wrests from us all of life’s plans and deeds, where it imperceptibly destroys and devours the passions and virtues alike.” ~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld

What I’m trying to point out here is that in a relationship, love isn’t just about loving yourself, or about how much your partner loves themselves, or about how much confidence you can build up in your partner – all very important things in themselves. No, love in a relationship is about how much love is flowing back and forth between you and your partner.

Are you listening? You got to listen to that lover of yours. They’re speaking.

(and yes, this means that if you’re partner is telling you they’re listening, you’ve got to speak to them with the honesty of that deep end.)

Just One Time

The Booty Call

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You may be thinking: “what has this got to do with exercise and mind.” I don’t blame you, it’s a fairly obscure topic, but I think that touching on it here will hopefully open your mind up to the world we live in.

The booty call, or friends with benefits, scares many people. I know it scares me, or has scared me about a few things.

First off, having multiple partners is something we’ve all (or most of us) been told is unhealthy and increases your risk of STD’s. This part is obvious. Yes, you can wear a condom, which reduces your risks, but there are many other orifices that STD’s can get transferred in. If you’re sexually active, regardless of how many partners you have, you should be responsible and get at least yearly blood tests done to make sure that you are clean. In most countries, these tests are administered by health clinics, and you just need to get an appointment from the Dr. to go. This is usually got from any drop in center.

Secondly, having somebody that you just call up for some lovin’, does that de-sensitizing people to the beauty of sex, or is it making them appreciate it much more? I am an advocate of love, free love for everyone, but does this also involve sex? I believe that love can be shown in more ways than just sex. So then, why is sex mounted on a pedestal, worshipped from afar?

Thirdly, don’t people say that sex changes everything? If you’re trying to stay friends, what will happen? Or does staying friends matter?

Fourthly, is it good? I know for myself, getting it on isn’t just about getting it on, it’s about that interaction, finding something in that other person, feeling something together that makes it so special. Epic if you will. If you’re just friends, how does that work? Does it feel special, or is it the same feeling you get after unplugging the toilet?

Do you have some insight for me? Please do share with us in the comments section.

I, myself, am not oblivious to the fact that it could be a good thing, after all sometimes relieving stress, or having somebody to feel and help you balance life could be a great thing, couldn’t it? Sometimes life is just way to busy to start a relationship with somebody just to get those primal desires satisfied. I know as a fact that prostitution has been around for thousands of years, and will no doubt continue due to this very fact of non-committal.

I know that people say its good as long as you start off by making sure you’re both on the same page with it. Making sure that both people are aware that feelings shouldn’t be involved. Does this mean that nobody will get hurt? Or does this mean that it ends when somebody starts to feel more for the other person? I wonder how many couples can say they started off as a booty call, and then moved into a more deeper relationship? Does it last? I feel that most times out of ten, one or both of the people involved will become hurt, especially in the friends with benefits category.

So, I ask you again, how do you feel about a friends with benefits, or booty call? Is it something you have done, or will do again?

Online Relationships

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The age of electronics & communication is upon us whether we choose to embrace that or not. Internet chat rooms, social media sites and instant messaging are all avenues that are used very regularly and by millions of people worldwide.

This isn’t the bad news. The bad news is that many people take advantage of these platforms to create for themselves false identities, friendships based on lies, or even as far as relationships which they have no intention of pursuing in person. Yes, sometimes this doesn’t matter, if both parties involved are aware that this doesn’t matter.

Ok, I will admit, there is an open door thinly veiled with a trust flag that is assumed when working in these circles, and eventually the truth does come out. However, this doesn’t deter or even phase many people. Most people are honest by nature, but there are also some people who hide from society, are afraid of what people will think of their true selves, and decide to deceive.

In all honesty, this is understandable. The world is a harsh place, and it’s very hard sometimes to deal with society’s scrutiny. But the fact of the matter is that we have to grab life by the balls and live it without fear. That’s just the way it goes. That’s how progress is achieved and the forward direction is perceived.

In my many years online I have been involved in chat rooms, dating sites, social sites, online clubs, web pages, forums, instant messaging, and any other form there is out there. I have had online friendships blossom into real life friendships, I have met significant others online, and I know friends who have married that met first online.

In all these years I have learned a lot about people and experienced many different types of characters and personalities. But one thing that I have found, in all of this, is that a lot of people don’t take what goes on online seriously. They treat it as an anonymous freak show.

For example, some people will flirt tirelessly with other online friends when they have a significant other in real life. This wouldn’t be a problem if the significant other was aware, or they acted the same around their spouse, but from my experience it’s a major breach of trust in a relationship.

Another example is building relationships. It is very easy to meet many really cool people online or at least for me it has always been so. Over time you grow friendly, and sometimes intimate with these people, and want to take things to the next step, which is when things get funny. Excuses’ start falling like apples in the fall, unexpected trips, work overtime, etc. and time keeps slipping by in a more sickening and saddening direction.

This is the horror that you hear about when people bad talk online activities because most people fear what they don’t know. Is this person a fake?

IIt’s extremely frustrating. It’s like you can see the future, you’ve planned the future, and everything was ok until it comes time to actually meet, at which time everything turns sour and the masks come off and the ugly beast rears its head.

Another example is when you’ve been building a relationship with somebody for a few months (or years) and suddenly one day they just off and leave, never to be seen or heard from again.

I’m trying to think about how a person in real life acts, and comparing it to an online person. Maybe it’s just nostalgia, but I feel that class and etiquette are things that should never be left behind. Granted there are some areas of the internet where they explicitly state that class and etiquette should be left at the door, but were ignore those areas for they are special cases.

So how do we act in real life? Do we tell our friend(s) that we’re getting close and intimate with that they mean a lot to us, and then up and disappear one day? I suppose there is some of us do this.

Do we flirt shamelessly with every passing interest and act completely sober when with our significant other? Once again, I suppose there are some of us who do this in real life.

Do we make plans to show up for a date, and then not show? I suppose there are also some out there who also do this.

I guess what the major difference is that in real life, we actually had to meet the person, face to face, to have started the relationship we have built with that person. Whereas online, it’s a different world. We don’t have to shake hands or hug anybody, we don’t have to keep eye contact, we don’t have to keep our attention focused on them, and we can browse any random webpage we like when talking with them. We don’t even have to show them a picture of ourselves in lots of situations, though the online world is becoming more visual by the second.

So I guess what the moral of this story is, is that no matter which avenue we decide to walk down to create friendships, one should always keep in mind to be honest, sincere, and oneself. Ethics play a major role in ensuring that in real life, or online, a person acts with respect and sincerity.

Have you ever had a situation like this happen to you? How have you dealt with it?

What advice do I have if you’ve become a victim? I will steal a quote from a friend:

“Destiny” is a result of choice. You’re destined to do something only if you choose to. That all depends on your journey. So the “journey” foreshadows our destiny…but ultimately we make the choice whether or not we stay in flow / on track.