Strangers Again
Leave a reply
Category Archives: Psychology
Productive Procrastination
A lot of time is spent procrastinating about events that are on the ‘to-do’ list. I know, I’m guilty as charged, and I’m sure some of you are too, after all, were all human. Unless you’re an alien from a far away galaxy that’s monitoring our inter-waves like some galaxial cowboy tracking my reports because your trying to flatter me, then yes, indeed you are human.
Now, as procrastination sticks in, my thought process goes, what is it that I’m getting tired or bored of doing, or just annoyed at having to do? Then I also find myself with thoughts going through my head of other things that I’d rather be doing, not necessarily unproductive thoughts, just not productive in the current task undertaken.
So I go ahead and get distracted; clean the fish tank, write a blog, order some pizza, have a cup of tea, or clean the washroom.
A revelation I’ve had now is that this is productive procrastination. This isn’t bad in the traditional sense.
Yes, it’s a distraction, but it’s still getting things done. I have a to-do list most days out of the week, and with this kind of procrastination, it’s getting done! I’m finding that all my tasks are getting done, and I’m staying sane at the same time. It’s hard to stay focused on one topic, subject, or medium for one great length of time, so it’s always good to get a break.
I find that it helps me focus better when I come back, I feel refreshed and alert and awake. It is really healthy to get the blood moving regardless of if you are changing your focus or not. Sitting in one place for to long, you will find that your blood starts to pool into your ass and legs, and your brain starts to loose its freshness (bad things).
In fact, I’m not sure if its rumor or not, but one of my university professors told the class that studies have been made, showing that if you exercise for 15 minutes your ability to learn, process, or test is heightened by at least 15% capacity.
So what I’m saying is to get up and walk around even if you aren’t looking for a distraction. Even pace around the room, stretch your legs, do some favorite yoga moves, whatever it be, just get some exercise and blood flowing through your veins. But remember, procrastination is something that nobody can ignore, it happens even to the most focused of people, but if you procrastinate in such a way that you can productively be moving forward in your day, then there is no need to feel any kind of regret or mal content with what your doing, stay positive!
Positivity
Stay positive. It takes a life time to achieve the things you’re looking to achieve. This road your going down is not a temporary change of mind, this is a life altering mindset that is going to change your whole outlook on life.
Be prepared to make some drastic changes to the way that you live, but always believe that it’s for the better.
Do not get discouraged when after a week you don’t see any major changes. Some changes will be so slow that you hardly notice them until one day you wake up and look at the goals you had set a few months ago and realize that hey, I am on this track now.
Even if you’ve fallen off the track, today is a new day, get right back on that track. You can never give up in this quest.
This is your life.
As long as you’re alive, every second of the day is a new opportunity to become what you want to become.
Passion
Passion is what life is. No two people have exact same passions, but many people can have similar passions, which provides some sort of connection for us with other beings in this world; some sort of grounds to communicate on and relate.
The secret is to understand what your passions are, study them, learn from them and grow with them in a positive environment.
For myself, to find what my passion is, I need to really understand what my goals are, and what I am trying to do with my life. In reality, the goals and passions kind of sit hand in hand. When I start thinking about these things, my mind naturally flows into the areas of my most passion. Curiously, there are always ideas and thoughts that my passion digs up that are out of this world, while others are logical, standard, and perhaps even productive with any luck!
Without that main effort though, the initial thought: “What is it that I want to do? Where does my mind lead me when I think of tomorrow?” there is no chance at even understanding your true passion.
Passions aren’t just a girlfriend, or love, passion involves hobbies, quests, goals, and accomplishments often summed up in a personal mission statement. They involve anything that when thought about, all other troubles in the world seem to fade away. One believes that to just follow this journey along the passion quest to the end, the world will be complete and fulfilling.
Me? Yes, I truly believe this. An example for me is when I think about photography. Initially it started with a wanting a digital SLR (DSLR) camera, picking out which kind I wanted most, and then having to keep using my old point and shoot camera until I could gather up enough money to get my DSLR. Then it turned into going places to get spectacular photographs that would blow the doors off of National Geographic Magazine. After this, my passion soon turned to how to edit these photos, which format I should be capturing the images in (RAW, JPG, TIFF, etc.) and how to edit them. Learning Photoshop and testing out Paint Shop Pro and all the various builds of each of them was also involving, learning layers and levels and brightness and contrast all turned into one big giant passion soup, something which I enjoy immensely.
For me, it’s easy to identify a passion; it’s something that consumes all of my time. I naturally fall into searching out new ways to do what I’m passionate about, how to become successful; how to grow.
I firmly believe that to be inwardly happy; to be proud and supportive and attentive in every day of your life, one needs to pursue their passions. Once the passions have been categorized or identified then is when the real work starts with brainstorming ideas on how to actively grow and build and master that passion. This takes a lot of focus and positivity to stay aligned with your goals that come with it. One thing to definitely not be afraid of, is when you learn more about your passion, when you grow with your passion you may find that your goals tend to change slightly to align more effectively with your new path, or train of thoughts.
A quote I will leave you with from Gandhi is: “No matter what it is, I make judgment based on the best of my knowledge. If that knowledge shall change and my stance also changes as a result, I will be the first to admit my mistake, and proceed aligned with the new knowledge.”
Online Relationships
The age of electronics & communication is upon us whether we choose to embrace that or not. Internet chat rooms, social media sites and instant messaging are all avenues that are used very regularly and by millions of people worldwide.
This isn’t the bad news. The bad news is that many people take advantage of these platforms to create for themselves false identities, friendships based on lies, or even as far as relationships which they have no intention of pursuing in person. Yes, sometimes this doesn’t matter, if both parties involved are aware that this doesn’t matter.
Ok, I will admit, there is an open door thinly veiled with a trust flag that is assumed when working in these circles, and eventually the truth does come out. However, this doesn’t deter or even phase many people. Most people are honest by nature, but there are also some people who hide from society, are afraid of what people will think of their true selves, and decide to deceive.
In all honesty, this is understandable. The world is a harsh place, and it’s very hard sometimes to deal with society’s scrutiny. But the fact of the matter is that we have to grab life by the balls and live it without fear. That’s just the way it goes. That’s how progress is achieved and the forward direction is perceived.
In my many years online I have been involved in chat rooms, dating sites, social sites, online clubs, web pages, forums, instant messaging, and any other form there is out there. I have had online friendships blossom into real life friendships, I have met significant others online, and I know friends who have married that met first online.
In all these years I have learned a lot about people and experienced many different types of characters and personalities. But one thing that I have found, in all of this, is that a lot of people don’t take what goes on online seriously. They treat it as an anonymous freak show.
For example, some people will flirt tirelessly with other online friends when they have a significant other in real life. This wouldn’t be a problem if the significant other was aware, or they acted the same around their spouse, but from my experience it’s a major breach of trust in a relationship.
Another example is building relationships. It is very easy to meet many really cool people online or at least for me it has always been so. Over time you grow friendly, and sometimes intimate with these people, and want to take things to the next step, which is when things get funny. Excuses’ start falling like apples in the fall, unexpected trips, work overtime, etc. and time keeps slipping by in a more sickening and saddening direction.
This is the horror that you hear about when people bad talk online activities because most people fear what they don’t know. Is this person a fake?
IIt’s extremely frustrating. It’s like you can see the future, you’ve planned the future, and everything was ok until it comes time to actually meet, at which time everything turns sour and the masks come off and the ugly beast rears its head.
Another example is when you’ve been building a relationship with somebody for a few months (or years) and suddenly one day they just off and leave, never to be seen or heard from again.
I’m trying to think about how a person in real life acts, and comparing it to an online person. Maybe it’s just nostalgia, but I feel that class and etiquette are things that should never be left behind. Granted there are some areas of the internet where they explicitly state that class and etiquette should be left at the door, but were ignore those areas for they are special cases.
So how do we act in real life? Do we tell our friend(s) that we’re getting close and intimate with that they mean a lot to us, and then up and disappear one day? I suppose there is some of us do this.
Do we flirt shamelessly with every passing interest and act completely sober when with our significant other? Once again, I suppose there are some of us who do this in real life.
Do we make plans to show up for a date, and then not show? I suppose there are also some out there who also do this.
I guess what the major difference is that in real life, we actually had to meet the person, face to face, to have started the relationship we have built with that person. Whereas online, it’s a different world. We don’t have to shake hands or hug anybody, we don’t have to keep eye contact, we don’t have to keep our attention focused on them, and we can browse any random webpage we like when talking with them. We don’t even have to show them a picture of ourselves in lots of situations, though the online world is becoming more visual by the second.
So I guess what the moral of this story is, is that no matter which avenue we decide to walk down to create friendships, one should always keep in mind to be honest, sincere, and oneself. Ethics play a major role in ensuring that in real life, or online, a person acts with respect and sincerity.
Have you ever had a situation like this happen to you? How have you dealt with it?
What advice do I have if you’ve become a victim? I will steal a quote from a friend:
“Destiny” is a result of choice. You’re destined to do something only if you choose to. That all depends on your journey. So the “journey” foreshadows our destiny…but ultimately we make the choice whether or not we stay in flow / on track.
Personal Motivation
Personal motivation is essential to success. It is probably the hardest thing to hold in your hands, and also where most people struggle. There are so many handles to use as personal motivation that all it takes is thought to recognize them.
Flex your muscles in the mirror, look at your personal mission statement, think about the benefits of exercise. These are factors that can give me motivation, try and think of what yours are.
Understanding what your seeking motivation for probably one of the first steps that you need to take. Deduce from inside yourself what exactly it is that you must do, what are your tasks?
Personally I find that lists are the best solution possible. They allow me to brainstorm ideas and tasks that I have to get accomplished, and then when this is done, they allow me to track my progress. I usually use a personal mission statement to record this progress. This alone is an extremely valuable tool for being en effective person. What are you hoping to accomplish? A better job? A new house? More income? Happy children? These are elements to get motivated for. These are the things that, if your procrastinating, are getting delayed.
Sitting there getting overwhelmed with the seemingly daunting tasks ahead of you isn’t just something that you alone experience, everybody does.
What separates the effective people from others, is that they understand that one can break these seemingly daunting tasks into smaller, more handle-able tasks that can be crossed off your list at a relatively frequent rate, which in itself motivates a person.
I find the easiest way to get motivated is if I’m enjoying what I’m doing. Some of you may roll your eyes, and say well this guys fortunate, he gets to do what he likes, but I will counter this by saying that ‘like’ and ‘dislike’ is all a mental thought process.
If you take some time to tell yourself that you are enjoying this, or more productively what can I do to make this more enjoyable, you will find that any task, no matter how remedial or daunting it may appear, will quickly turn into a deep rooted fascination that not even the gods of time could divert you from!
I hope you will now start your list. Do not delay!
Iris by Hermann Hesse
I have just read one of the most endearing pieces of literature I’ve ever read, and I thought it would be a good thing to share.
The Fairy Tales of Hermann Hesse
The short story sends the main character, Anselm, in search of the memory that he has lost that stirs within him when he hears the name of the woman he wants to ask as his wife, whose only condition for her hand is he find that memory:
“However, the task was much too difficult for this man of learning. He was supposed to remember something he had long ago forgotten, he was to find once more a single golden thread in the fabric of the sunken years, he was to grasp with his hands and deliver to his beloved something that was no more than a vanished bird song, an impulse of joy or sorry on hearing a piece of music, something finer, more fleeting and bodiless than a thought, more insubstantial than a dream, as formless as morning mist.” – Hermann Hesse
Focus
If a mission statement has been written, the goals are known.
Stay focused on your goals. You know what you want; you know where you want to be, keep this always in your mind.
At the end of the week, review the goals that you set down for yourself. Take some time then to think about what has got in your way to slow you down in reaching your goals.
Are you spending too much time socializing with friends?
Do you find that it’s always with certain people that you slip back into your old habits that you’re trying to rid yourself of?
Do you always tell yourself that your too tired today, and tomorrow you will start?
Do you spend too much time preparing everything, writing down your goals and never achieving them?
Think now about what you can do to correct these issues. Make easier goals that you’ll be able to achieve and cross off your list, feel that sense of accomplishment and make it worth your while to continually push yourself to the limits of what you feel you can achieve.
This is the essence of being an effective person. You need to continually impress yourself with new personal bests that make you feel proud and motivated to do more. Don’t let anything ruin your dream for you.
When you learn more about what you want, you can always change your focus to a slightly more directed area, but always keep motivated and pushing yourself to become better, learn more, and have as much fun as you can!
Exercising the Mind
The mind, in all matters concerning it, must be exercised in order to keep it healthy and growing strong. It is as a muscle, requiring constant and consistent activity to stay healthy. Sports players, cards players, computer programmers, engineers, and on and on all continually and relentlessly practice their profession; going over and over selected scenarios, developing new ideas, or reaching new depths of creativity are all ways to exercise the mind.
Starting at birth, new parents are encouraged to challenge their child with new responsibilities, play memory exercising games, or teach them multiple languages. This makes headway into the starting of the child’s academic career, where it is quite obvious it is demanded that they do indeed use their brain for scholarly purposes: calculating formulas, creative writing, memorizing biological systems, etc.
It is easy to sit back and let the exercising be demanded of a person and let it grow in a passive pushing mode, but the real character comes when graduation is upon the student.
At this conjuncture in life, the student is now free from all prescribed and demanded learning. This is where personal motivation comes into the equation. The new graduate is only looking for fun adventures and to explore the limits of their newly found freedom; which by all means is necessary in the growth of the person, but there is a certain tipping point, or balancing that needs to be acquired. After all, balance is the key to life.
The exciting part is now that the graduate is indeed graduated, it is upon them to decide which path they wish to explore.
No longer is the learning prescribed, but rather opened up for interpretation where the mind is the school master cracking the whip, and the conscience is the poor school boy waiting eagerly with big wide eyes for what is to come next; open to be influenced.
Activities like reading and writing are great ways to keep the thought process active and firing on all cylinders, which incidentally can also be used to keep the mind focused (this is a good thing). You’ve heard it before, and you’ll hear it again; in this day and age of the internet and instant communication, it’s hard for people to stay focused on one topic for any length of time.
Writing down ideas can help keep the thought process aligned straight towards success, in all essence of the word.
The main point, however, is that without activities that keep the mind thinking, keeping all those neurons sparking like luminescence in the midnight waters, the brain will not keep the doors open to creative thought.
Before you know it, you will be a machine working at a dead end job wondering how you got there, feeling sorry for yourself the whole time.
SO! I encourage you, don’t let it happen to you! Exercise your mind!
Do you have any other ideas or games that will help keep the mind active?
Effort & Attention
Effort is something that a lot of people tend to take for granted.
Let me start by defining what I mean by effort: effort is the amount of personal interest, thought, and attention that a person puts into a movement, idea, plan, and/or activity.
Basically what it is, is your commitment. Often times you will hear somebody say: “Everything happens wrong for me,” or you will see carelessness, or slacking. These are all by-products of little effort. When you train yourself to put forth an effort with every ounce of energy in your body, you will find that every activity is performed right, efficiently, effectively, and with the expected results you had when you began the activity in the first place.
You always hear of somebody pulling a muscle lifting a box, or shoveling the snow, but what you don’t hear is how they were attempting to do the effort. Have you ever had this happen to you? I know I have run into situations where I have reached around something to grab an item, but because I was lazy, I didn’t want to get out of my chair to put forth a proper effort to get that item, so I end up straining to reach that item, and tweak my shoulder or my back leaving me with a slight strain for a week.
This is a by-products of lack of effort. Sure you did actually get it, but the effort you put into it was a small portion of what you have inside of you.
Aside from getting hurt, you can also hurt other people. Think of the last time you had a conversation with somebody and only gave them 1/2 of your attention. They can always feel that you are giving them that lack of attention, which is lack of effort, and you hurt their feelings.
Some people, if they receive that kind of attention for long enough, will eventually stop giving you their effort and attention and move onto somebody or something that gives them full effort.
I also find with myself that I feel better after I have done something with all my heart; giving a 100% effort. I feel like I couldn’t have done any better because I couldn’t have put any more effort into the thing that I was doing. Its one of those kind of things that you can be just doing whatever your doing and catch yourself taking short-cuts and forgetting things because you are not really giving it your full attention.
Sometimes, I know I have parked my car at home and suddenly realized I cannot remember the last 10 minutes I just did driving. Have you ever done this? This is because I’m either in a zone, or I’mfocused on something else taking away from my driving.
Repetitive habits like this can easily bypassed with very little effort which can in turn, turn into something extremely hazardous for not only yourself but the people around you.
So next time that you are cleaning your car, or washing your dishes, chatting with friends or even driving home after work, make sure that you give it your full effort and just wait and see the kind of rewards you can get out of giving it your 100% effort.
